I had all those books - by Ames and Ilg - back when my kids & step kids were younger. I can honestly say they helped and made a huge difference... especially when my step daughers were pre-teens. Funny, I remember now that we kept them in the bathroom.
There was more than one occasion when I was quite upset with one of them about some behavior and my ex would walk out of the bathroom, hand me the book and say "page 72"
That was it, just "page 72". I would go and read page 72 and it would describe, in detail, the exact issue we were struggling with. We often laughed and asked ourselves was our pre teen reading the book to know what to do to make us crazy, or was someone following her around and taking notes? Those books were really that precise for us.
Parenting is never easy, and with an A in the house it's doubly hard. It's great that your daughter feels safe in lashing out at you and also talking things thru. You've obviously made it very comfortable for her to do that. She'll be a much better person as a result.
Big mom hugs
Cats