wanttobehealthy

Girls saw AH tonight. Following that, D6 was angry for the rest of the evening and finally burst into tears screaming at me asking me why I make Daddy so angry and why don't I just stop making him angry so that he'll move back.

I want to do harm to him (I won't-- I am simply describing how angry I feel inside at how evil he can be to use his kids to further his addiction/agenda/anger).

I talked to her for a long time and then again when I put her to bed she asked me the same question-- except this time the anger was gone and she was just sad. I told her I didn't know what I did to make him so mad and she wanted me to give her an example so I did. I told her that sometimes when I say how I feel he gets mad, or when I tell him to speak to me differently he gets mad. She made a face and said "that's silly". I agreed. Then we had a conversation about making better choices (that's language her T used with her and that I use with she and D3 when they are acting out) when we are angry and talked about things we do (she and I) when we are angry that are good choices. She said that Daddy should learn to make better choices and that she could try to teach him. I wanted to cry. Instead I hugged her (in part to hug her right then and in part to compose myself for a second) and I told her that that wasn't her job and that Daddy has lots of places and people that he can go to to learn that. I said that her job was to be a little girl (and I was told she's not little, she's big) and to learn in school and be kind to her sister and to have fun.

So, I think I recovered fairly well and tried to do the best by D6 that I could but my anger at AH is at an all time high right now. And it's not anger like I've felt before. It's hurt, pain, he HURT our kids on purpose and I can't believe it kind of anger...

I needed to share this. Thanks for listening.