A long time ago one of my friends was in an abusive alcholic relationship, she asked me one time how I managed to deal with it. I said when it came down to it, I couldn't see my life with out him.
Now...
I can't imagine my life with him and when I do, I see the vicious cycle repeating itself, sobriety for him - me questioning when will it start again, - the drinking starts over - the pain - the suffering - threats - the sobriety and on and on and on...
and when I think of leaving him, filing for divorce ( I actually have the email to my lawyer written, needing to hit the send button yet.) I see some smiles for myself, that maybe down the road I can see a new relationship with someone who treats me good, keeps promises to my children, seeing myself as me and not defined by his actions and what or when he will do it.
I really can picture myself with out him.