How to tell the children....
If anyone has been here would greatly appreciate the views of others.
I told my AH a couple weeks ago I wanted a seperation and to move out. I gave him til today, other wise I would file for divorce. So here today is... he has not moved out (he said his lawyer told him not to, otherwise he could get seen as abandoning his children in the laws eyes, to me it was all about protecting himself and not hearing what i had to say or wanted.)
Anyways my bigger issue is and I think it is what is holding me back from actually filing. How do you tell the children without them feeling that one parent is more responsible then the other. I don't want them to hate there father, but I feel as if they will put all the blame on me and hold it against me.
In the past couple of months, last May 2010 he got his 4th DUI and moved out for a while and then slowly crept back in, (really not my choice but for the kids I let it go.) The kids I think understood that dad had made a bad choice and some what understood why he wasn't living with us. It was only like 3 weeks if that. Then in Sept 2010 I told him it wasn't working, I wanted a divorce and blah blah blah, (not sure why i didn't) but he went up to give the kids hugs and was crying and told my daughter that " Mom didn't want to live with dad anymore"... how unfair was that. I was crushed when she was angry with me and asked why we couldn't just sleep in different rooms, why did he have to go... I think that is why I didn't file then.
So now fast forward a year, he fell of the bandwagon, started drinking, falling back in to old habits, the denial, lies and etc... Don't get me wrong we can get along great, that is when I don't rock the boat.
So now it was, lets talk, lets work on us, I know what my triggers are, why I drink..quack..quack..quack...
and then me feeling heartless with a huge wall up and say NO. I am DONE...
I'm not sure what I want or feel of how my kids should view this. Is it my fault he is an A, is it my fault over the years of his actions has droven me to fall out of love, to not want to do this anymore. Is it my fault I feel hurt and betrayed and all the other crazy emotions to push me to want out.... How do you tell a 11-9-and 6 year old about the hurtful things that happened without him looking like the bad guy, its not the dad they know. But yet I feel if somethings aren't explained they will think it is all my fault and hold that against me. I hurt more thinking that they will hate me, then the fact of my marriage falling apart.
Thoughts please.....