sending you happy birthday wishes and i am sorry that people you hold close to your heart didn't, for whatever reason, think to wish you a happy bday...
i do the same as you and tell myself that expectations = resentments waiting to happen but sometimes one's emotional mind and logical mind don't mesh and those hurt feelings still happen and that makes you human.
working on ourselves is tough work and we can't expect ourselves, nor should others, to get it all right 100% of the time. i am looking at this recovery journey of mine (and this is from the perspective of a self proclaimed perfectionist so this is huge for me) as 1 step fwd, maybe 2 back and then 3 more fwd... i am not beating myself up for making mistakes or struggling and i think that is what you're talking about doing to. and i think that those of us who have that perspective are likely to get it and stick with it in the long run.
happiest of birthday wishes to you!!!!