happy birthday to me?

Old 09-12-2011, 07:59 PM
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happy birthday to me?

A little to share...

today was my birthday and I decided to not plan anything with friends for once this year, trying to minimize the stress from trying to get uncooperative and flaky people together. All day I told myself I was going to have a good ole time hanging out alone, because I really need to start and learn how to properly enjoy my own company. Plus I was thinking a little relaxation time would be just what I needed.

But the day is now over and I am just frustrated. I wanted to go out and treat myself to something, anything, but all day my car has been at the shop and I was stuck in my apartment alone literally all day. It's been at the shop since Thursday and I've had to plead with people to drive me around, which has been frustrating in itself. Funny how I feel alright doing favors for people, but when I ask for one in return it feels like I'm jumping through hoops.

I thought I would fix up my internet (that hasn't been properly working for three weeks now, which is a shame because ALL of my schoolwork is online) because I finally got my modem in the mail, but it didn't work. I called Verizon a few times, the calls didn't go through.

And to top it all off....I told myself ALL DAY LONG: Expectations = predetermined resentments. Expectations = a big BIG NO NO. But somehow, despite KNOWING that at my core, at the end of it, I still feel very hurt that certain people whom I thought were close friends neither called, texted, facebooked anything to me today (one of which being XABF whom I thought I was on better terms with). I went through the whole day TRYING and TRYING so hard to have a positive attitude. But I've just had a really sad day.

There were some good things that happened...some people DID call. My roommate bought me a cake, sang happy birthday to me with another friend. But somehow I just can't even appreciate that. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Even the whole time my two friends spent some time with me all I could think about was how they hurt me and even I didn't really want to or have anything to talk with them about.

I know what some of you would say but I ask that you please be kind in your responses I've been trying to work really hard on myself and work as hard as I can on my happiness but it is the most difficult task I have ever taken's been such a big struggle and it's a battle I fight every single day..
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Old 09-12-2011, 08:07 PM
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I understand...birthdays have never had the same magical power in my life once I hit teenage-hood. At least you got through the day with no major melt-downs. Hope your day tomorrow is better!
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Old 09-12-2011, 08:18 PM
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HaPpY BiRtHdAy!!!!

So sorry your day didn't work out! Maybe see if one close friend wants to go do something another day this week. It is not too late!!!

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Old 09-13-2011, 04:30 AM
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Happy late birthday!
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Old 09-13-2011, 05:32 AM
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I'm no angel!
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Happy Belated Birthday!
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Old 09-13-2011, 06:30 AM
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Happy birthday!!!

I know what you mean about your birthday being a disappointment. I even posted a few threads on it at various times. I have learned to celebrate before and after but not really on. On my birthday, I just lay low.
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Old 09-13-2011, 07:47 AM
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I don't think there is a thing wrong with you. Today is your un-birthday so treat yourself to something special as soon as you get your car back. You deserve it.

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Old 09-13-2011, 08:50 AM
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Happy Birthday. Hope today is looking better for you. Often birthdays and holidays can fill you with a false pretense. Social media, FB, twitter, and reality tv are grossly exaggerated. I have felt envious after reading a friends FB status. We all have that one friend, who is always jetting off, for some mini trip to some fabulous destination. Or they are attending an event, with so and so, they are at some great party, restaurant, or concert. Their glamorous lifestyle can leave us feeling quite "ordinary".

I had to take inventory on my life to determine who are my true friends, vs, casual friendly acquaintances. True friends are a blessing. And they will always be there for you. It was a reality check to realize I did not have as many friends as I thought, but the ones I do have, are priceless.

Your true light cannot shine under a bucket. Embrace you, take care of you, do things that add true joy to your life........... All my best to you
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Old 09-13-2011, 07:45 PM
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thanks everyoone for the wishes!

and thanks for reiterating that it's okay to feel sad. the funny thing is that more people said happy birthday to me in person and asked me what i had done/ had planned than i even gave thought to myself. to which i literally had to reply for days straight that "i was just taking some time to relax alone" rather than having some stupid extravagant party or night out. it almost seems like if no one at all had remembered besides myself, if no one had even known, that i would have probably had a better time

interesting what you said about true friends too. i was talking to my therapist the other day and it's just interesting how i constantly feel like i put so much into relationships with people (codie alert!!) but feel disappointed when i dont get the same love and friendship back. i feel like i put my all into everything but others are just selfish. a lot of people that i did consider to be true friends, whom i go out of the way for to call on their bdays/make it to their events/ etc. didnt even bother...didnt even remember.

and on the same note, xabf texted today...not to wish happy bday but to tell me hes been doing bad. and then when i told him i was upset he didn't wish me he freaked out and said i was the one with the "drama" and that he doesn't know why i would go assuming things about him doing bad, even though he just said he was not well.....that and the fact that he sounded trashed on the phone the other day. there is NO POINT. they will just never get it will they..... at least i am starting to get THAT though. slowly but surely.......
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Old 09-13-2011, 08:26 PM
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I am that friend who forgets birthdays. And holidays. It's not because I don't care...quite the contrary. And it has hurt my feelings to be called out for forgetting (or maybe its not placing a high priority of birthdays after age 21?!) as if remembering is a sign of strong friendship. Do you know how many special events I am required to remember? Yeesh - its impossible! So my word of caution here would be to be careful thinking people don't care about you if they forget your birthday. It may be they have a memory like mine...resembles swiss cheese!

On my birthday - I do whatever I want to do. And I take the day off from work if its a work day. And I don't answer the phone. Call me selfish...its just how I like it. Cake - pppffff... give me a good stout and a nice fire and my favorite book and I am content.
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Old 09-13-2011, 09:57 PM
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:day1 HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!:day6:

Big Hugs coming your way from me and the pup.......
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Old 09-14-2011, 02:43 PM
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interesting thoughts tuffgirl. thanks for sharing the opposite perspective, that actually makes me feel a lot better about the situation!
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Old 09-14-2011, 03:45 PM
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sending you happy birthday wishes and i am sorry that people you hold close to your heart didn't, for whatever reason, think to wish you a happy bday...

i do the same as you and tell myself that expectations = resentments waiting to happen but sometimes one's emotional mind and logical mind don't mesh and those hurt feelings still happen and that makes you human.

working on ourselves is tough work and we can't expect ourselves, nor should others, to get it all right 100% of the time. i am looking at this recovery journey of mine (and this is from the perspective of a self proclaimed perfectionist so this is huge for me) as 1 step fwd, maybe 2 back and then 3 more fwd... i am not beating myself up for making mistakes or struggling and i think that is what you're talking about doing to. and i think that those of us who have that perspective are likely to get it and stick with it in the long run.

happiest of birthday wishes to you!!!!
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Old 09-14-2011, 08:06 PM
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Happy Birthday Bruingirl, sorry your Birthday did not work out the way you had hoped, I know how you feel.

I am older now (49) but when I was 25 nothing in my life was going right, a few years later I was married to a wonderful woman with two great kids and a small farm in the country, now I laugh about that birthday.

Four years ago on 5/21/2007 I almost died in a bad car accident, now I have 2 birthdays (original birthday and 2nd chance birthday). Let me tell you there is nothing like sitting in a car and literally watching the blood shoot out of an artery to bring on the clarity of what matters.

Please get up early in the morning, watch the sun come up, go watch some kids play, or maybe volunteer at a shelter or at the VA Hospital, everyday is your birthday and it's up to you to make the most of it.

Peace be with you.
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Old 09-14-2011, 08:42 PM
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Ahhh, Birthdays! I'm sorry I missed your actual day, but I do wish you the best celebration you can dream up, no matter WHAT that is!!

Happy belated Birthday, Bruingirl.

I'll give you this gift: Gentleness. You can do it, too, for yourself! :day1
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Old 09-14-2011, 10:10 PM
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Belated Happy Birthday, Bruingirl.

I remember one birthday - stbxah was puking/detoxing the whole day - just lying on the couch, watching tv and puking..Other than wishing, nothing else..I decided I needed to treat myself and went and got myself a massage. made me feel tons better..

Do something fun for yourself. My attitude is - If people remember, great. if not fine too. As long as my sisters and my mom call and my kids wish me - I am ok..

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Old 09-15-2011, 05:33 AM
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Happy Belated Birthday!

I'm not fond of birthdays.

To me they are sort of like New Year's Eve. Somehow it's supposed to be the best party of the year and most of the time it is just another party.

Birthdays are supposed to be one of the best days of the year, but most of the time it's just another day.

Now I choose to have a quiet (and cheaper!) New Year's Eve, and a quiet relaxing birthday.
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