Thank you nandm, I think you're right about the person we married being dead to us now. I like the saying you have in your post......."Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long." Maybe my trying not to think about the good times finally gave way to just going through the grieving. A part of me is just tired now, tired of trying to make sense of it all.
thanks again, you're very kind.