It is sooooo hard to not take addiction personally, to wonder why our husband/wife/son/daughter/parent chooses drugs or alcohol over us.
But it's not personal. Below is a link to some posts that describe addiction from the addict's point of view. These are not easy posts to read, but they are honest and accurate from what I have come to understand. I hope that reading them helps you to udnerstand just a bit better that it is not personal--you are not to blame.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ddicts-do.html
Many hugs, HG