Lost... Looking For a New Beginning
**Another user suggested I post this in the Alcohol forum, so I did!***
I am new to soberrecovery.com, and I am hoping those that have been here before can help me.
I still have a hard time admitting that I am an alcoholic, because I do not drink every day. I binge drink on the weekends, but from everything I have read online, that makes me an alcoholic.
Drinking is negatively impacting my life in every facet. Professionally, in relationships, financially, and physically.
I am a 28 year old female, and basically, every weekend, or any day I have the next day off, I binge drink. Once I am buzzed, all I want to do is drink. Any event that I attend (weddings, baseball games, parties, cookouts, family gatherings) where there is alcohol, I get wasted. And I mean WASTED. Black out, fall down drunk.
I end up in situations where other people have to take care of me. I have had countless one night stands due to my drunkeness. I stopped counting after I had slept with 25 guys (years ago). By the grace of god I have never gotten an STD. I have ended up in the hospital, and hurt, and thousands in the hole due to my excessive partying. My usual reaction is to laugh the next day about my night, and feel hungover all day.
I can't repeat this cycle any longer. Now I know that there is nothing I want more than to get married and settle down, but all of my relationships have ended due to my drinking. It breaks my heart every time.
My friends are all big drinkers, but I can't cut them out of my life. They mean too much to me. I feel like I am really shy and awkward when I go out sober. I enjoy a nice beer, or a good glass of wine. I just always end up taking it too far. What do I do? I want to stop this cycle before I die, end up alone, raped, pregnant, or with an STD. Seriously, HELP!