Clearhead, you have been offered some awesome advice in these posts. Try to keep in mind that there is a rewarding life after the years of suffering from the disease of addiction.
I am fifty eight and I honestly can't recall the idea of the good ole days when I was using. But I can definitely recall many good ole days when I wasn't using any mind/mood altering substances. I can share many war stories of pain and loss when I was active in my disease of addiction. In contrast I can share many events in my life of abstinence and recovery that were truly enjoyable and rewarding.
It is my hope that as time passes you will experience many days filled with blessings.