Clearhead

Hey all. So I'm 14 months sober now and everything has gone pretty well this far. Lately since football started this year i've been finding it a little difficult to cope with the old habits. Last year I was loving sobriety cause it was so new and everything was improving. This year, it's just the norm and I'm feeling a little jealous of those who can drink normal. I don't feel like I'm gonna drink ( I know what the result would be), but just feel frustrated I can't let loose like they do anymore. I have all kinds of alternatives to stress relief, but being totally honest it's not the same. Just wanted to vent a little of my frustration. Thanks.

Coco210

Clearhead....you have come so far. So many of us dream of making it this long. Just one thing to remember...how will you throw it all away...and have to start over? Keep the faith.

Clearhead

To add a little more, I also miss the fun late night moments I had with a lot of my buddies. Usually coming home to an angry wife at 4am lol. Playing the tape through, i know I would wake up hungover and thinking about Another drink. So not worth it. Bottom line, I wish I was normal And didn't have this reaction to alcohol.

Clearhead

Thanks Coco. Just hoping it gets a little easier as more time goes by. Really thought it would have once I encountered most situations in a year's time..... Ya know?

FT

Hi Clearhead,

I quit drinking over 20 years ago after many years of a drinking habit that gradually grew from occasional drinking to a two-bottle-a-day cold duck habit. That may not sound like much to some, but it was constant, and I tried over and over again to "drink socially", always falling back into daily drinking.

I quit one day out of the blue when I'd had enough of booze controlling my activity, to the place I wouldn't go anywhere or do anything that didn't involve drinking. I figured I was just "done" having fun. My husband quit about 3 months after I did. Neither of us has had a drink since.

The first year was like you describe -- you're on "a mission" not to drink, and you are empowered by the feeling that gives you. It's proactive, motivating, is tangible somehow. After that, the routine seems dull, no longer new. You haven't found out how to have fun without alcohol yet, but you will.

It took about 3 years for me and my husband to stop thinking about drinking, continually talking ourselves out of picking it up again, unlike the first year where we were "working it".

Eventually, it becomes harder to remember when you quit. Eventually you are just one of the nondrinkers in the crowd, and there are always a bunch of us you never noticed before. No one cares whether you are drinking or not, unless they feel bad about their own drinking and jealous of your ability to leave it alone.

It just takes time. I no longer feel like a "recovered alcoholic". I'm just me. I'm just a nondrinker. I can go anywhere and have a good time, enjoy music, sit in restaurants with other people who are drinking, go to events where everyone else is buzzed but me (or seems like). I don't particularly enjoy chatting it up with buzzed people, especially while they are changing from a lucid creature into a word-slurring-incomprehensible-boob, just like I used to. I have often wondered if I annoyed others while I was in that state, and I was many times.

Just hang in there. The decision not to drink becomes a non-decision. There is nothing to think about, because it never crosses your mind after awhile that you are not doing something that was once so routine for you. You neither crave it nor dislike it, it just is what it is. Thank god.

FT

Tendencies

I can take a lot form your response. I find myself in a few situations where people are having social drinks after work and then it changes to drinking drinking. The ones who had a social drink left and the hard drinkers stay and get hammered. It's not much fun to sit through that. People change from lucid conversation to total nonsense. I'm going to stay for the social part and avoid the tail end.

I'm at about ten months sober now. Feel pretty good. Still working on myself. It's funny. I'm motivated by all the good stuff. I wonder like you what will happen in a year or so more.

TheOjibway84

I know how you feel ClearHead. I myself am trying to still stay sober. This thursday I get my 1 month chip at my home group. I've been struggling for awhile with staying sober and this has been another attempt at being sober for now on. But I can relate to your feelings. Even though I've never been sober that long I found it hard to see people drink normally and enjoy it. But I moved out of the parents house and I was living in a place with room mates where they enjoyed drinking. At first it was easy to avoid them and say no thanks to a drink from them but then the old feeling of how nice it would be to have a new crowd to hang with and drink so I took the bait one night and continued drinking for the past 5 months. Its tough for sure, but at least you can overpower it and say no. I wish to make that kind of power someday. Luckily I'm in a safe haven of my parents home once again where there is no drinking. and thank god because I was starting to lose myself. I've been going to aa meetings and this site and this time around there are more tools for to use. The programme I havhe started taking more seriously because as I continued down the dark hole of drinking things were getting worse. Well. Keep it up Stay strong!

SeekSobriety

Thanks for sharing. What really helped me deal with these feelings of perhaps envy or nostalgia for the "Good 'ol days" or the feeling of not being able to have fun like the others, was meeting with a Therapist who understood the challenges of recovery. I was able to the tools to help me deal with my feelings and put things into perspective.

What also helped for me was working with a sponsor and working the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I found that really making a conscious effort to work on not just staying sober but work on creating new sober friends, sober football game parties, sober outreach (helping others with less or no sobriety who wanted help to stop or go to a meeting) Volunteering at a homeless shelter. All seemed to help me be more satisfied with not drinking and not helped me suppress the longing for the "Good 'ol days" In fact I remind myself that today will be a "Good 'ol day" too before I know it

Thanks for letting me share.

lilotto

Clearhead, you have been offered some awesome advice in these posts. Try to keep in mind that there is a rewarding life after the years of suffering from the disease of addiction.

I am fifty eight and I honestly can't recall the idea of the good ole days when I was using. But I can definitely recall many good ole days when I wasn't using any mind/mood altering substances. I can share many war stories of pain and loss when I was active in my disease of addiction. In contrast I can share many events in my life of abstinence and recovery that were truly enjoyable and rewarding.

It is my hope that as time passes you will experience many days filled with blessings.

Dee74

Hi ClearHead

I'm wondering if you've done anything besides stopping drinking?

For some it seems just stopping drinking is enough - but I had to do a lot of work on myself, working on the void in me I tried to fill with alcohol - otherwise I was just the same old unhappy person, missing a drink.

I no longer miss drinking because I'm simply not the same guy I used to be.

I like my life sober and I like me sober - I'd no sooner want to drink than play on the freeway.

I'm comfortable with who I am - and I know there's no need for me to join in drinking - if I feel apart from the group, or I feel jealous of others, maybe that's something in me I need to look at?

I hope you'll find your way to be comfortable with who you are too.

D

CaiHong

Cearhead,

Good post. I especially likes Failedtaper's response.

The novelty of getting sober can wear thin and the craving or thought for a drink may surprise us after months or years of being sober. That is the part that pisses me off.

I gave up smoking 2 years ago and after 2 weeks the thought of a cigarette did not hold any attraction but a drink........... . As they say in the Big Book of AA baffling, cunning, bloody alcohol or words to that effect.

I really understand why it is some of us call ourselves recovering alcoholics or chronic problem drinkers.

Thanks for reminding us it doesn't go away.

All the best
CaiHong

Anna

Hi Clearhead,

I agree with Dee's comments about making changes from the inside out. I am a different person now, and I deal with life in different ways. I hope you can see the progress you've made and enjoy your sobriety.

DisplacedGRITS

Cheerhead...drink something sweet. Remember that drinking didn't really make you happy. I love football as well but the drinking culture around it is maddening. I can't go to a single festival here (near Milwaukee) without feeling assaulted by alcohol. I am happier when I turn down a drink rather than when I toss one down.

CarolD

I've been keeping my pink cloud sailing high for over 22 years..

How? by finding others interested in living sober and well....both on here and in my local AA meetings.

Yes...I watch football..go to parties ...dine out...that has no bearing on my choice to continue to live with purpose and joy.

Mcribb

It is a phase and your mind will try to screw you back into drinking. Talk, pray, go to meetings if you are in AA, talk to your sponser, call 800, just get through the phase and the peace will be on the other sides like the millions of other people who went through it. Good luck and keep posting

Clearhead

I Can definitely say I'm a totally different person from my drinking days. I have made so many great changes in my life and Family life. I did AA for the first 7 months and kinda fell out as I started on a little different recovery path. 99.9 percent of the time I'm not even thinkin about a drink. It's just getting together with the guy's has caught me off guard these last couple times. I thought these feelings would be gone by now. They are not even cravings for the alcohol Itself, but rather a longing to relate better with my former buddies. While saying that, I find their drunkenness as the game wears on ridiculous. Can't even carry on a conversation with them about anything meaningful lol.

FT

Hey Clearhead,

How ya doin' today?

FT

sugarbear1

I suggest hanging with sober people. Are you working a program of recovery?

LoftyIdeals

Hey Clearhead... I am at day 37, but had a flashback yesterday with the games on, the sausage dip and game food. And, I was only at home with family. Don't let the voice get to you. I hope you hang in there, and fight weary through the thin times!

Coco210

Clearhead, also wondering how you are today. I think all of at some point want to be able to be able to have a drink with a friend, at least in the beginnng...but look at Dee. He is grounded and LIKES himself sober...I hate myself hungover. And I do mean hate. Remember all you went thru...