He knows it's not normal and worries about the long term effects, but it doesn't stop him. He had big problems with cocaine when he was younger but he managed to quit with pro help. He still does it occasionally but not regularly. I don't think harder drugs will be a problem, but the booze might. When he was off marijuana for a year he drank more. He also needed sleeping pills to get to sleep and ended up getting hooked on them.
Bonny, I'm really sorry but what I see here are red flags everywhere.
Is there any way you can delay the wedding and give yourself more time to work through this?
Starting a family with an active addict who doesn't want to quit just seems like you are setting yourself and your future children up for a nightmare about to happen.
We all love our addicts, my son is the addict in my life and I love him very much...but I cannot live anywhere near him when he is active in his addiction. If love could save an addict, not one of us would be here. The question we end up asking ourselves is can we live with them or will we be dragged into hell with their disease. Addiction spares nobody and hurts the families as much as the addict.
Give it some thought, maybe find some support for yourself at Al-Anon, Nar-Anon or Coda, three wonderful fellowships that have helped many of us. Because, should you choose to go forward with this, you are going to need all the help you can get. Sadly, that's the honest truth.
Hugs