Bonny

I am so glad I have found this site. It's made me cry reading it because so many things on here ring true with me.

I'm days away from marrying and I should be preparing for my wedding but instead I've been searching the internet for hours for answers. I doubt I'll find any, but I might find some much-needed support here.

I live in a foreign country where English is not the first language so I don't think I would do well with support groups in my second language. I do have great friends who I can talk to but they don't really know what it's like living with an addict.

I'm about to marry the love of my life, but he is addicted to marijuana and I hate it. He was sober (1 year) when he asked me and I happily said yes. I saw a great future for us together (I still do, maybe I'm an optimist)

But he relapsed and it's been getting steadily worse. He keeps trying to quit and each time I get really excited and hopeful, then he struggles, becomes moody and angry and tries to convince me it's "not so bad" if he smokes "It's not like I'm doing heroin", he says. When I won't agree, he gets angry and says he wishes he could be like his friends, who have wives who don't mind if they smoke.

Ultimately he fails and it causes a big drama. we row, i cry, He feels terrible, he promises to keep trying, he wants to quit, but it so hard.

I've been reading all the useful info on this site and I know I need to try and detach. I am probably making things worse. He needs to reach rock bottom to have a Eureka moment like he did last time, which resulted in him quitting for a year with no demands or expectations from me.

But how do you detach? I'm scared that if I do he'll take that as me thinking it's OK. he might coast along for years. Do i just sit and wait?

The thing is, we want to start trying for a family and I'm scared he won't be able to quit. He always said he would quit no problem when the time came, now he's saying: "can't we wait and see if we have fertility problems, then I'll quit" I suspect it is all bs.

The thing is apart from his addiction he is a great guy with a big heart. I will just never be OK with the smoking, that's all. He is very good at arguing and saying things to twist what I've said that I end up being confused and wondering if it's me making things worse.

Sorry for the big rant, I just needed to get it all out. I should be concentrating on my wedding but all I can think about is this. His latest attempt to quit failed yesterday. now he say he will try again on our honeymoon (two weeks when he won't be able to buy anything)

I should be stressed about my wedding, but I'm not. All i can think about is this and our future and how things are going to be.

If you're living with an addict how do you manage to keep sane? it is all so overwhelming. this is nothing new - we've been together 7 years, but I'm getting to the age now where I can't put up with it any longer...

Thanks so much for reading. And advice would be greatly appreciated.