Thank you, Want To Be Healthy . . .I got caught off guard, because I haven't had much contact with her for awhile. I do have a personality thing where I project good onto people - and I usually think people are getting healthier and healthier . . .she had been in recovery (last time I really spoke to her about a month ago, she had gotten a sponsor, so I had been encouraged by that).
I have not seen her acting out behavior - most of that was done behind my back . . .so I was caught off guard.
I definitely do have a weird relationship with her and a couple of other people (that would be called codie) where if they are hurting, I am devastated . . . I understand the dynamics of it, but I am rarely prepared for it . . .it's all very complicated in terms of the history, triggers, family dynamics, et al . . .
I will probably check out a meeting or two to see if I can find one I like. I am very untraditional so it takes a little shopping around. I would love to have a sponsor who could "get" me and help me brainstorm some of my problematic behaviors (mostly related to how to support my grandson in a healthy way without enabling him - since he has been so neglected all of his life, I have been known to do too much to try to make up for deficiencies . . . I would love a coach to help me figure out what is healthy in that respect and what is not) . . He lives with the alcoholic and told me today that it is very difficult (he didn't go into any details) but there is a lot of drama . . . he is starting college and a stable environment would be good, but I guess he has to figure all of that out. I told him he can stay with certain relatives so he has options (but none of the options are close to his school) but again, "more will be revealed")
He knows I love him. It does bother me that his mom has tried to poison him against me - I can only pray he will see me in my true light and not through her lens - if not now, maybe later.
I think when I saw her I was just shocked and honestly, I had to write the note to her to get it off my chest . . . it was "tough love" - I didn't have hopes she would change for me, but maybe a seed has been planted, you never know. My relatives that she sent her response to (and my original email) thought it was just fine - not mean . . . I just expressed concern and put things bluntly . . .I have no need to try to reform her . . . it is her life and she has to make her own decisions - I was just caught up in her drama and got into some really unhealthy behavior . . .thank God, I had support to step out of it for a moment.
I had to refamialiarize myself with alcoholic/addict tactics - I was treating her as if she were a fully functional adult - I was too close and too hurt at the time and too identified with her pain to see the blame and manipulation tactics she was using . . .I honestly would want to not take her calls if she tries to contact me (which she will not do unless something is really wrong or she wants to tell me off) . . .I have to keep my guard up with her and for some reason I get too sympathetic to her pain . . . not sure what that's all about . . .
Thank you again!