seek

My daughter showed up on my doorstep drunk last weekend and left her sick dog with me. She did not look good at all.

I wrote her an email today and basically told her that I was scared for her - that she is very skinny, etc. and I spelled out my fears (I have never been so blunt or harsh).

I felt bad in a way because I don't want to hurt her feelings - of course, she could care less about my feelings. She did not apologize for this weekend.

She wrote me a note back saying I had made her feel terrible and maybe I should spend my time becoming a more loving person instead of tearing her down . . . then she threw in that this is pushing her and my grandson away from me.

She also copied her sisters on her reply and my original email and said that she doesn't feel close to anyone in the family.

She said she will have a healthy discussion but not this kind of thing . . .she ended up twisting it so that I am the bad guy. I have always been there for her - too much . . .

Anyway, I tried to email her, text her and call her and she is not responding (this is her pattern) - she is passive-aggressive and she shuts me down.

My family is so traumatized by her that they cannot hear anything that has to do with her, so I can't talk to anyone in my family about this. I tried and one daughter said that she was not going to read the emaiils because she doesn't want to be involved in the drama . . .

I am feeling very anxious at the moment because I have been cut off - I realize this is a trigger back to my childhood. I am also fearful that she will be able to turn my grandson against me (he has said things to me that she has said to him that were very mean and destructive) . . .

So I am in a bad space at the moment and I honestly don't know what to do other than pray . . .

The crazymaking part of it for me is that I can be demonized when she is the one who is acting out - I sent the note as kind of a "tough love" hoping that maybe it would get through to her, but also realizing that it probably won't - I just felt I had to express how scared I am for her and that I hope she seeks recovery.

I don't know how the family can be thought of as being the "bad guys" and the alcoholic is now the victim. I am sure I have given her a good reason to drink (and I know that it would not be my fault).

I am in a lot of fear and most of it is in feeling misunderstood, having my words twisted, and fear that she will somehow convince my grandson that I am the evil person that she thinks I am.

She said I am negative and attacked her - but she says nothing about her actions and what happened this weekend.