I just had the worst call ever at work. I cried in the middle of it. I was told I was not working enough. And in general felt very bad about how I was being portrayed. And how I was not able to defend myself.
I know reality, I have been the hardest worker among everybody else. My extra hours amount to months. I have given nights, holidays, weekends (unpaid extra hours of course).
The toll of supporting a huge financial company has been huge.
From that book about the effects of Stress in Women I realize the majority of my aches (such as insomnia) are due to never being able to relax. Chronic stress for more than 6 months.. so far it has been 3 years.
Now with my mom visiting I realized I don't even have one spare hour to relax and have lunch. Before I did not notice this as much as I live alone and don't have that many commitments.
I am trying to reach out to the supportive people I know and you are part of this group. Please send some hugs. Feeling very undervalued (I guess this is not a new feeling...).
Then my dad tells me he has no money and asks me to send what I owe him. It is not much but I needed it for my rehab. So what I resent is not giving back the money, I agree it was lent, but the fact the lack of support literally translates to physical pain and how he does not ask how I am doing
(going to the HW store for bread, I know)
Then my mom who has tons of money tells me she is planning to use it for a holiday in the Caribbean beach. She knows my situation but I can't count on her not even for a drive to rehab. So I have missed rehab these last 2 days. On top of it I got a bad cold, of course I know it is sadness.
I can and will solve things by myself, like take a cab or something.. what bugs me is not solving practical things but this loneliness I am feeling today.
Join the pity party..
Thanks for letting me vent.