TakingCharge999

I just had the worst call ever at work. I cried in the middle of it. I was told I was not working enough. And in general felt very bad about how I was being portrayed. And how I was not able to defend myself.

I know reality, I have been the hardest worker among everybody else. My extra hours amount to months. I have given nights, holidays, weekends (unpaid extra hours of course).

The toll of supporting a huge financial company has been huge.

From that book about the effects of Stress in Women I realize the majority of my aches (such as insomnia) are due to never being able to relax. Chronic stress for more than 6 months.. so far it has been 3 years.

Now with my mom visiting I realized I don't even have one spare hour to relax and have lunch. Before I did not notice this as much as I live alone and don't have that many commitments.

I am trying to reach out to the supportive people I know and you are part of this group. Please send some hugs. Feeling very undervalued (I guess this is not a new feeling...).


Then my dad tells me he has no money and asks me to send what I owe him. It is not much but I needed it for my rehab. So what I resent is not giving back the money, I agree it was lent, but the fact the lack of support literally translates to physical pain and how he does not ask how I am doing (going to the HW store for bread, I know)

Then my mom who has tons of money tells me she is planning to use it for a holiday in the Caribbean beach. She knows my situation but I can't count on her not even for a drive to rehab. So I have missed rehab these last 2 days. On top of it I got a bad cold, of course I know it is sadness.

I can and will solve things by myself, like take a cab or something.. what bugs me is not solving practical things but this loneliness I am feeling today.


Join the pity party..
Thanks for letting me vent.

dollydo

I am sorry, sometimes, we just need to sit back and re-evaluate the circumstance. Being objective while being put down is not easy to do.

Sending hugs and support your way.

SoloMio

(((((hugs)))))) from me, TC.

I've definitely been in that position--feels so unfair--especially when the situation is already overwhelming.

Hang in there.. !

Freedom1990

:ghug3

Babyblue

I have regular pity parties! I invite everyone along

Try not to be too hard on yourself. One rotten phone call can make everything else seem tough.

We've all had days like that.. many of my days are in fact like that so I feel for you.

HUGGGGS

TakingCharge999

Thanks friends..

I got box today... looking forward to it.


Been crying all day, woe is me... now putting on some makeup so as not to scare people at the gym lol...


Talked to a friend and he told me to take off my self judgment glasses and write down what is positive of myself...

I feel slightly better and knowing I am all emotional now, I won't do anything.. more will be revealed...

For now I will ask for a Personal day next Monday.. going to a spa.. which seems clichè, but it helps me relax... a place away from everything.


Babyblue I hope you have less days similar to these.

MTSlideAddict

Go easy on yourself. I'm so sorry. Feel better soon.

I'm sending you hugs from me.
:ghug3

wanttobehealthy

Sometimes it seems everything comes down at once and it's impossible to see that there can be any light at the end of the tunnel. I have felt that way often in the past year. Just try to put one foot in front of the other, do the best you can in each moment and try not to worry about or predict/try to control what will come next. I can't say I am great at this, BUT I am learning and am trying and so far things seem to be okay even though I truly have no clue what to expect tomorrow w regard to everything from finances, employment, my AH, etc...

I have to say that the fact you are heading to the gym tells me you're doing better than me in some of my dark hours... my solution is usually something decadent to eat and THEN the gym!

Thinking of you and sending hugs your way.

LaTeeDa

Hugs TC. Remember, what others think of you is none of your business. Plus, in the grand scheme, it doesn't really matter anyway.

Hope tomorrow is a better day.

L

BeProactive

Hugs TakingCharge! Hope you are feeling better now..Pamper yourself and take it easy.. You know your worth, don't let anything/anyone make you feel less..

TakingCharge999

Thanks friends all your posts were very helpful, I did not make it outside and spent most of the day crying and feeling lousy.

But I talked to some coworkers that know me and they told me "finally, it was time, good for you" so I feel more understood....

Kimmieh

I am so sorry to hear things are rough! I can sort of relate today because I just found out that someone hijacked my pet project. He was going to plan a series of events and I had the idea of ending it with a conference that could turn into something regular. Now that I started to contact people about it, I learned that he already contacted them, submitted business proposals and budgets, etc. No discussion with me about the size, length, etc. of the conference. It was really my baby project, MY idea, and would have been a great career move (a lot more so for me than for him). I am quite crushed right now. So I will join the pity party and hope we get the recognition we deserve!!

LifeRecovery

I know it does not count for much in the big scheme of things, but I think you are both great!

Seren

m1k3

Quoted for truth. And more from me. ((((hugs))))

Your friend,

StarCat

TakingCharge999

I feel much better after talking to other people, my coworkers on site.

All of them congratulated me and told me it was time, and that I had been among the ones who lasted the most in this difficult account.

One pointed out this person's remarks were made so I would feel anxious about moving on, and stay in the account. Because its not convenient if I leave. I liked that way of seeing things. (The person in question was saying how I won't have support in other accounts and many other things that are just not true but scared me at the time).

I have been thinking about how the opinions are none of my business (excellent way to let go), trying to control them brings frustration, but remembering what I have done well and my qualities has changed my outlook... sigh, I automatically believe what others say of me!! but now I remembered my work style and no there has been NO ONE who has recorded more extra hours than me. My last manager notified me of this and gave me a raise and a bonus last year. Whew. If for some reason someone thinks otherwise perhaps they don't have the complete picture. Or they are insane.

I am back to loving my daily job. I love talking to my customers and doing my best and solving things and learning.

I have also stopped feeling ashamed for having a nervous breakdown in the middle of a call. I stopped feeling guilty for feeling the effects of stress. Women react differently. It is not my problem if everybody else is older, male and in US, and they can't understand how my reality can be different (stress due to living in a more violent city, stress due because I am a woman and have had to drive at odd hours to the office to solve problems, stress due to not having a female partner to cook and run errands for me, bureaucracy running errands, the fact I am working using a second language, hormones, and all that stuff that no one acknowledges).


Finally I went to one hour of kickboxing and it helped very very much. I do modifications to protect the knees but its still fun.


Now I am still fighting with my team because I realized I have been on call since August 25th and they still want me to work like that other 2 weeks. There are like other 4 people that just came back from holiday, etc and I am not willing to keep being their doormat. I even asked for a Personal day on Monday. They also expect me to work next Friday when I had said it is a National Holiday.

So I expect bad vibes tomorrow, but instead of being a doormat and accepting whatever just so others don't get upset, I am going to stick to my ground. Sometimes when there is hassle it is because someone is changing and it doesn't mean there's something wrong, actually it means something is going very well, at least for the codie in recovery.

I need a break and I booked a spa on Monday and I am going, and that's the end of it.