Originally Posted by
CagedBird 
I have since rethought the ultimatum thing. I know even if he says he'll quit, he wont... and at this point I don't think I would stay even if he does.
I have wasted so many years here.
You are coming to important realizations CagedBird; don't dismiss them. They are crucial in helping you move forward. I applaud you for being so honest with yourself.
As for the years you have "wasted", I tend to disagree. As unpleasant as they have been, those years were
necessary for you to come to this point in your life. You probably wouldn't be ready and willing to leave had you not gone through what you've been through. Time to start looking at what's ahead of you: a new beginning.