I think it's fair to say that all of us have held onto that lingering hope that one day we could drink normally. Unfortunately, based on the glimpse into your drinking habits in your post, entering sobriety and recovery with the thought that in the future you will be able to have a few drinks on special occasions is precarious at best. An alcoholic does not respond to alcohol like a normal person does, both physiologically and psychologically. I'm afraid that those special occasions would become more frequent, and the destructive pattern would return, usually stronger and more damaging.
I wish you the best in your sobriety.