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I would have drank this weekend but...

Old 09-05-2011, 08:14 PM
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I would have drank this weekend but...

I didn't. We got to the B&B right at free wine hour and were offered some. It would have been perfect. My fiance says "you can have some, it's a special occasion."

I thought "yeah, it is..." We put our bags in our room and ended up taking a cat nap then going to dinner.

I think I would have drank. I think if at any point during the weekend if my fiance repeated his permission I would have went for it.

Beaches and seafood and breezes and picnics... it was tough.

Though I have to say that when doing other sightseeing where there was no trigger I completely forgot alcohol existed. I can't help but think that prior to quitting I would have been trying to sort out when the sightseeing would end so we could go have a beer.

I'm thinking I should tell my man not to give me permission. I say that once and he will never do it again. I kind of don't want to for 2 reasons:
1. because I'm embarrassed - I don't want to remind him of my flaws or that he's not marrying a normal girl.
2. I'm hoping that someday I can have just that one... Like a glass of champagne on our wedding day.

I have never quit before but after trying to moderate my drinking (and failing over and over) I know that one leads to many.

I quit smoking many many times and one certainly led to many in that case.

I'm fooling myself thinking that it will ever be ok right??
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Old 09-05-2011, 08:52 PM
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Has moderation EVER worked for you? You sound like you are obsessing...give up, you will never drink normally.
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Old 09-05-2011, 09:02 PM
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I think it's fair to say that all of us have held onto that lingering hope that one day we could drink normally. Unfortunately, based on the glimpse into your drinking habits in your post, entering sobriety and recovery with the thought that in the future you will be able to have a few drinks on special occasions is precarious at best. An alcoholic does not respond to alcohol like a normal person does, both physiologically and psychologically. I'm afraid that those special occasions would become more frequent, and the destructive pattern would return, usually stronger and more damaging.

I wish you the best in your sobriety.
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Old 09-05-2011, 09:35 PM
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The irrational delusion never ceases to amaze me. You know which one I'm talking about...
"Even though self-intoxication has caused me considerable trouble in the past, even though I cannot predict how much I will drink before I start, and even though any more drinking might cause considerable trouble in the future, I must nevertheless continue intoxicating myself."
I recall when you first came here, ETA, and I recall your first post. You might want to go back and re-read it:
Originally Posted by ETA View Post
Yesterday the man of my dreams told me that if I can't control my drinking I will lose him... I have to stop.
Let me ask you this: why can't you simply consider yourself a normal person who never drinks?

There is much ado about needing to accept that you're "an alcoholic" (not normal) in recovery circles, and that if you're "an alcoholic," you can't ever drink again, but otherwise you can. That is ********. The fact is, it doesn't matter if you're "an alcoholic" or not. If drinking has caused you intolerable losses, and may cause you intolerable losses if you drink again (in your case, losing the man of your dreams, for starters), wouldn't it be a good idea to never drink?
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Old 09-05-2011, 09:44 PM
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I'm fooling myself thinking that it will ever be ok right??
You mean drinking, ETA?

I think that's the case for nearly everyone I've ever met here, most of whom have struggled with drinking and control for years.

It never gets ok...in fact in my experience it gets worse...

The day I gave up on thinking I could ever drink 'normally' again was a huge turning point for me....I started to make progress from then on

D
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Old 09-05-2011, 10:19 PM
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ETA, well done for not drinking on the weekend. It prooves you can do it, yes?
With regard to your man, I think you should be honest with him and tell him you DONT want to drink. If your relationship is strong, and you are preparing to marry, then I am sure he will love you for your honest, and not put temptation at your door again. Good luck.
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Old 09-05-2011, 11:58 PM
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Your fiance is giving you permission to drink because he has no idea what an alcoholic is.

IMO, Alcoholics should never get any drinking advice from non-alcoholics. They simply have no clue why alcoholics cannot process alcohol correctly and make assumptions based on their non-alcoholic experiences.
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Old 09-06-2011, 04:56 AM
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Somehow I think that the part about your fiancee giving you permission points to the heart of the problem. Not because he's a bad guy or anything but unless you're doing this for yourself you're never going to really be free of the addiction. Sobriety can't be conditional on someone else's wishes because it doesn't really cure anything; it's gotta come from within yourself.

It's still great that you quit. Try to get to the point where you're doing it for yourself first though, and it'll be way easier to manage situations like this.
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Old 09-06-2011, 09:30 AM
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I knew I could count on all of you to help me out on this.

Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
You mean drinking, ETA?
yep
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
The day I gave up on thinking I could ever drink 'normally' again was a huge turning point for me....I started to make progress from then on
Me too - it was huge and when I stopped drinking. It's been 2 1/2 months and the "maybe" thoughts have been popping up.

I'm not proud of not drinking this weekend - I didn't pursue it which is good but otherwise it was more circumstance that prevented it.
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Old 09-06-2011, 09:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Nirvana1 View Post
Your fiance is giving you permission to drink because he has no idea what an alcoholic is.

IMO, Alcoholics should never get any drinking advice from non-alcoholics. They simply have no clue why alcoholics cannot process alcohol correctly and make assumptions based on their non-alcoholic experiences.

I think you got the nail on the head with this... excellent point.
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Old 09-06-2011, 09:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Reset View Post
Somehow I think that the part about your fiancee giving you permission points to the heart of the problem. Not because he's a bad guy or anything but unless you're doing this for yourself you're never going to really be free of the addiction. Sobriety can't be conditional on someone else's wishes because it doesn't really cure anything; it's gotta come from within yourself.

It's still great that you quit. Try to get to the point where you're doing it for yourself first though, and it'll be way easier to manage situations like this.
I think it's a combination. I had a drinking problem for years before we met and sometimes I ask myself if we broke up would I drink? I can't say for sure but I do see it as his ultimatum being the motivator/final straw as opposed to doing this for him.

I am seeing rewards personally - that helps. My anxiety is practically gone which is a minor miracle, I feel healthier physically, I'm less afraid, my memory is better ...

AVRT - thanks for the reminder. (You always know just what to say..) It is time to read some old posts I think.
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