Lala03044

Hello,

I've been away from this board for some time and have found it again.

I just turned 46 and don't know if I'm having a mid life crisis or what the problem is. Of course it probably doesn't help that I've been away from meetings either.

I find myself disillusioned with both my job and my marriage. On the gratitude side- I am fortunate to have a well paying job. It's just that it's gotten more strenuous and stressful lately.

My husband has 9 years sober and no program. Believe me, I am grateful for the sobriety. He is a workaholic and recently started his own business.

We went to one of my favorite places yesterday- Ogunquit Beach, Maine. Then we went out to supper. There was an older couple seated near us. I tell you -they said maybe 2 words to each other the whole time!!! I thought that was so sad and I can see myself and my husband headed down the same path and it saddens me.

Sometimes I think the problem is all me. I feel as if someone or something has put a cork on my mouth and all my feelings are just shoved down inside and I can't get them out. I feel like I haven't said 2 words to anyone for weeks.

Of course, at my job out on the street for a few hours- one is alone except for greeting customers who might be home but you don't have time to have a real conversation or anything.

Another alanon member in my f2f meeting said she felt her and her husband didn't have anything to say to each other unless it revolved around the kids. So I know I'm not alone. But it still hurts.

I know my husband and I love each other despite everything. We do talk about work and stuff but not the important stuff and I don't know why I'm afraid to bring up the obvious..... Guess I'm afraid of getting hurt.

I will bring this to a close now cuz I'm probably not making a lot of sense. I know I have choices and I don't want to do this the rest of my life. (my job)

I think I need to bring my butt to a meeting.
Thanks for listening.