Lala03044

Hello,

I've been away from this board for some time and have found it again.

I just turned 46 and don't know if I'm having a mid life crisis or what the problem is. Of course it probably doesn't help that I've been away from meetings either.

I find myself disillusioned with both my job and my marriage. On the gratitude side- I am fortunate to have a well paying job. It's just that it's gotten more strenuous and stressful lately.

My husband has 9 years sober and no program. Believe me, I am grateful for the sobriety. He is a workaholic and recently started his own business.

We went to one of my favorite places yesterday- Ogunquit Beach, Maine. Then we went out to supper. There was an older couple seated near us. I tell you -they said maybe 2 words to each other the whole time!!! I thought that was so sad and I can see myself and my husband headed down the same path and it saddens me.

Sometimes I think the problem is all me. I feel as if someone or something has put a cork on my mouth and all my feelings are just shoved down inside and I can't get them out. I feel like I haven't said 2 words to anyone for weeks.

Of course, at my job out on the street for a few hours- one is alone except for greeting customers who might be home but you don't have time to have a real conversation or anything.

Another alanon member in my f2f meeting said she felt her and her husband didn't have anything to say to each other unless it revolved around the kids. So I know I'm not alone. But it still hurts.

I know my husband and I love each other despite everything. We do talk about work and stuff but not the important stuff and I don't know why I'm afraid to bring up the obvious..... Guess I'm afraid of getting hurt.

I will bring this to a close now cuz I'm probably not making a lot of sense. I know I have choices and I don't want to do this the rest of my life. (my job)

I think I need to bring my butt to a meeting.
Thanks for listening.

Willybluedog

Lala, glad you are back, have you ever read John Gray (Women are from Venus men are from Mars) he suggests writing letters to your spouse, where you tell them everything you want to say, hopes, desires, wants, needs, etc. even if you don't give them the letter you have really thought all this out and maybe will approach it differently.

Pleae don't wait to tell him how you feel, I was driving home from work (a job I hated)one morning in 2007, I fell asleep at the wheel, and had a terrible accident, nearly bled to death, multiple surgeries, etc. scary as hell to sit and watch yourself bleed out, what would you say in those moments, if you still love him make sure he knows, if you don't well how are you going to spend the next 40 years?

Lala03044

Willy,

Thank you for welcoming me back.
Yes, I'm familiar with that book but it's been some time since I've read it.

I think the biggest problem is I'm afraid to share my feelings. (positive or negative)

take care,