Melissa9399

Well first I need to thank everyone here for all of your kind and very wise words. I had only just found this site and I have never found so many like minded people in one place in my life.

At thw wake/ funeral -after several attempts to talk to my stepfather- kindly, compassionately, he told me he feels sorry for me because I have to live with this., that my mom died with a broken heart because of me, etc. That when all calms a bit we will sit down and talk. My brother watched us talk and tried very hard to keep that from happening. You see my mother died holding all his secrets and lies. That he's drinking again, the abusiveness to his wife, his neglect of his 2 yr old daughter. She hid it all, as she didnt want my stepfather to "cut my brother off". (They are wealthy). I wasnt speaking to my brother either when I got the news of my moms death. He is a beligerent mean nasty drunk who likes to call people late into the night and tell them off. He referred to my 11week old daughter as a "thing", the names he called me and my husband are not fit to write here.

Prior to this relapse (he was sober 7 yrs), I had always taken care of him. I was the mother figure, I got him into rehab. My husband got him a job after he got out, he lived with us on at least 3 occasions. See the pattern? I have always picked him up. Now Im done.

At the wake and funeral, I discovered that my brother (who is currently active in his disease), was fired from yet another job just prior to my mom killing herself, and that he was the last one to speak to her 45 mins before she died. He ofcourse didnt tell me this. Neither my brother or my stepfather acknowledged my new baby, not a word.

Now if I have learned anything from this tragedy it is I will NO LONGER sign off on this behavior. I will not participate in the lying, sneaking, cheating and backstabbing. I have no interest in my stepfather's money, never did. I have no interest in entertaining my brothers behavior and do not want it in my life, or around my daughter.

SO the advice I ask is how do I go about handling this? I dont even want to speak to him. When he calls (he called twice since the funeral a week ago), I actually get a physical reaction of anxiety. If I eventually speak to my stepfather (which is possible, he most likely will call me.), if he asks questions, I will answer honestly, I will let him know my mom killed herself with alot of secrets and guilt. This ofcourse will cause more drama and drunken rage from my brother.
Whatever.
Do I email him? Tell him until he cleans up his act stop calling me? The thought of talking to him on the phone actually makes my stomach turn.