It really is great when we can pinpoint what it is that's bothering us. And what you pinpointed certainly is a big thing. It's like you went from still having an illusion of control (you know, you left and COULD have gone back if you wanted-- the ball was in your court) to the going back safety net not being there at all and that's understandable that you'd have a period of grieving, in a funk, whatever you call it... about it all.
I've found during those times that I've been able to put my finger on what it is that's distressing me so much that it really really helps. Even when it's something very upsetting or sad, being able to figure out WHAT I am upset about is so much more manageable than just feeling upset and not having a clue why.
Thanks for sharing this.