Originally Posted by
choublak 
About the "work on yourself", "focus on yourself" advice: if I worked any more on me I'd be clinically diagnosed as a narcissist.
When he is sober and not on a binge, I hold a grudge against him. He (we) will be trying to have a good time and move forward, but I'm too angry at him to enjoy anything.
He's such a high-functioning alcoholic, I didn't know he had a drinking problem when we first started dating. Nor did he. High-functioning alcoholics have it the worst of all the alcoholic varieties, because they don't exhibit nor experience the signs and consequences of more "typical" alcoholics. Denial runs deep and dies hard. I want to slap all the denial out of him.
It's not that I want to "fix" him; more like...he should know better. He should have enough sense to know to not drink alcohol, period. He has common sense the majority of the time.
If it gets worse, I have a dozen places I can go to stay with relatives.
Anyway, I can't think of anything else to say right now, whatever I say gets stomped on regardless, so I'm gonna go now.
Everything you are describing is defined as codependency. Codependency is the want to slap some sense into the alcoholic, to remind them that they shouldn’t drink, or to teach them what they are doing is causing havoc. Holding grudges is also a part of not taking care of you. You can’t blame him that you are angry. You are in control of your emotions. It’s like a saying that I heard before; someone didn’t make you angry, you chose to be angry. It seems that you may not be ready to identify your codependency yet. That is okay. There is no rush.
Remember that the advice given here is intended to guide you and support YOU only. Take what you like and leave the rest. If none of it works for you right now, than that may be the case. We only share what we have learned throughout our own experiences.
I hope you find your direction to My advice would be to follow your intuition.