ach...your post reminds me so much of what my life was when I was still married to exAH...always struggling for money because he would drink/smoke/snort/spent it away. Always listening to his excuses. Always hearing "it'll work out somehow" when in reality it "worked out" because either I coughed up the money, or someone gave us a break, or we got further into debt. By the time I left him, I had gone bankrupt, my credit was ruined, I had no savings and I had lawyers calling me to get payment for various things he spent on. What a mess.
Originally Posted by
CagedBird 
I love my husband. I don't believe that he will ever quit drinking, no matter how much it ruins his/our/our childrens' lives.
The question here isn't whether you love your husband or not...it's whether that love is enough to justify staying with a financially irresponsible alcoholic who is nowhere near recovery? What about your children in all this? What do you think they are learning by growing up in a household where the partnership is so unequal and where the madness of addiction reigns?
Originally Posted by
CagedBird but I still have that part of me that wants to make this work. The good days are so good. I feel like if I leave, it will make me the bad guy.
If you had the power to "make it work", (i.e. make him quit drinking) wouldn't it have worked a long time ago?
Remember:
You didn't CAUSE the drinking
You can't CURE the drinking
You can't CONTROL the drinking.
Nothing you say (or don't say), do (or don't do) can make your husband find recovery. That's in his power alone. You do have the power to change your circumstances though.
As for the Bad Guy thing, I totally empathize. I stayed for longer than I should have out of the desire to be the good, patient wife who "stood by her man", "through thick and thin" (insert all those stupid codependent sayings here). Do you believe you'll be the bad guy in your parents' eyes...your parents who truly see your husband for what he is? I'd venture to say "no".
What's more, is your husband worrying about "being the bad guy" when he is taking a nose dise into those bottles of wine and not paying the bills? This is person whose opinion you are concerned about? As I learned here on SR: "what other people think of me is none of my business".
IMO, you have children in your care and an alcoholic sucking the life out of everyone. Seems like the choice is logical.
You have an out with your parents. Why not take it?