Thank you so much for your reply - it has really given me a boost. I am in a world of pain here but am determined to make it through today and not fall down that hole again. The last few times I was drinking I recognized how unhappy it was making me - I can't fool myself anymore that it's alright for me to carry on like I have been doing. I have made plans to help a friend do some gardening in a couple of hours and am already excited at how good i will feel tomorrow morning that I made a good decision and not the wrong one to go to the pub. I'm holding on to that really tightly and trying to shut out the demons inside still tempting me the other way. Thanks again for your encouragement.I really, really appreciate it.