Hi
I've been around, reading, not posting much and just thought I'd post an update.
AH is almost entirely moved out. Living with his A, unemployed, mentally ill brother. It was a battle to get him to go and I think he is most upset about not having the TV, the couch and the material comforts of our house. He's unpredictable about calling the girls, tries to make plans at the last min to see them etc... I'm trying to be the bigger person and be accomodating since the girls love him and I don't want to be the mom who alienates their dad (which he already accuses me of).
I am not working; didn't find a job that worked for my schedule and family needs this summer so bc I am able to afford it right now, I am taking my time to find a job, enjoying being able to bring my oldest to her new school (she just started 1st grade) and spending quality time with the girls in peace.
I have put the divorce proceedings on hold bc I was spinning my wheels (my lawyer was actually) and spending ridiculous amts of money going back and forth with AH over minutae. We agreed for the time being to put things on hold, we have a lawyer written/agreed upon parenting plan and I've decided that taking things one small step at a time is okay with me. I'm focussing on job searching, enjoying the peace around my house and getting my kids off to a good start of the year. I don't need to try and do everything at once and once I came to be okay with that I realized I was a lot calmer.
I'm very sad about all of what has happened, my anniversary is at the end of Sept, I'm being honest with friends when they ask what the status of things is and that's sad to deal with, I still wish things had turned out differently, and there are days I am angrier than I know what to do with (thank god for running!) and days when I wish the girls would see him for what he is or that he'd just disappear and I'd never have to deal with him again. All that being said, I am a lot happier, calmer and settled than I've felt in a long time and I am looking forward to the rest of my life being a lot healthier than the 1st nearly 40 yrs have been.