First of all welcome, I am glad you are here, this is not the answer but just one piece.
Are you being treated for depression? I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused, it made me a sad, scared and mean person, I married a woman who was verbally and physically abusive I should have left but instead stayed until she cheated with a co-worker and moved on.
I got into therapy, started on Prozac (what a miracle) my anger levels went way down, less anxious about stupid things, etc. Met and married a very spiritual woman who helped me look deep inside myself.
I finally got to the point where it clicked for me, you can only look forward, I still have some work to do on forgiving those who hurt me but it no longer is acid in my belly.
A book that really changed my life was "Conversations with God" by Neale Donald Walsh, also Gavin DeBeckers books on fear are very beneficial.
Best of luck to you, so sorry about all you have been through, you are on a journey and it sounds like you are making good decisions.
Pease come back often and let us know how you are doing.
Bill