Hi! You have got some excellent responses! And you seem to be wanting recovery for yourself, as well as your GF.
I have stayed with my active AH. He's basically a good man with a bad problem. He drinks daily, gets tired and goes to bed. There's no drama, arguments, abuse etc. that a lot of people encounter with their SO. My kids are grown.
Thanks to Alanon I have found a way to live a fairly happy life, in these circumstances, at this time. I am aware that it can progress. It had progressed over many, many years to a crisis about 4 years ago and now it is relatively stable again, but that can (will) change.
I want to comment on the lying and deceit. He is an alcoholic and a closet drinker. He knows I know he is drinking and yet feels compelled to hide it and protect it. That is what alcoholics do: protect the drinking. Because I feel that he is an honest man about everything else, I've taken a stance his lying and deceit as it relates to drinking is integral to his being an active alcoholic. I accept it as much as I accept the fact that he drinks, is not seeking recovery and will not see a doctor. I feel that asking my active alcoholic not to lie about drinking is about the same as asking him not to drink. It is a freeing thought and fits well with the "he's not drinking AT you" notion.
If he were to begin to lie about other matters, it would be a whole different ballgame.
Again, my decisions are all based on my situation, and my AH, who was and is still a good man, just an active alcoholic.
I wish you both well in your recoveries.