It would be nice if our loved ones would care enough to learn about alcoholism. I'm sure my family thinks of it as a character flaw that I could easily get rid of using willpower - and 'just say no'. At times I've tried to explain it to them - but I can almost see their eyes glazing over. They just don't get it, and until they open their minds a little they never will.
I'm glad you brought this up. I'd be feeling just like you are - there's nothing strange about your reaction. His attitude puts you on the defensive & is very damaging. The counseling idea of Suki's sounds like a good thing - this might be too complicated to handle without some professional help.