Look how you have turned this whole thing against yourself. This is not a Bonbon bad. This is another person's bad. You did nothing and now you want to put all the responsibility on yourself. That's a no no.
This does not belong to you. Anyone would have reacted in the same way and I don't care how strong they are. Do not turn this against yourself. That is not allowed. Nothing has changed with you. You've been traumatized and it will take you some time to find your footing again. This was caused by his actions, not yours.
I do not believe anyone gave you the skillet!!! You can't earn the skillet until you learn to point it away from yourself.
Wrap yourself in safety right now any way you can. Do what ever it takes to make your daughter and you feel safe. This is not your fault and I will not let you blame yourself. I am giving that X of yours a great big skillet whack right on top of his head.
You did really well!!!!!
Love you,
MG