Back on the Wagon
Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum. This seems like a good place to get support, so thought I'd post.
Basic summary, my family on my mom's side has a long history of heavy drinkers/alcoholics. A few years ago my mom ended up in the hospital and almost died due to server liver disease. She miraculously recovered, however, she still struggles with her sobriety.
Shortly after watching her endure that, I looked at my own drinking habits and realized I had a problem. While I have never been an every day drinker, I saw a pattern of binge drinking. Not while out with friends though, it was at home alone. I would look forward to the weekends because drinking was fun! I'd find a new type of wine that I'd never tried and I enjoyed that. But it was never a glass, it was always the bottle. Maybe more.
2 years ago in August I decided I needed to quit. I stopped cold turkey, made an appointment with my doctor to get advice and make sure I was healthy. I had no withdrawal symptoms. I threw myself into working out more and by Christmas that year I was the thinnest and healthiest I'd ever been. I moved up my career and moved to Los Angeles in April 2010. Moving to California was always a dream of mine.
Last December I celebrated my 30th birthday and I wanted to allow myself a drink. I know, this was stupid. But I thought I was able to quit for over a year on my own without AA or anything, just me.
I had a little bit of champagne (not even a full glass) and thought "eh, no big deal. Don't miss this." Then this past February my social life in my new city started to explode. I thought since I was able to handle a little bit of champagne I could handle a drink of wine. So I had one at a social gathering, just one, and that was it. I thought to myself "I can control this."
I was wrong. 6 months later and I'm right back to where I was 2 years ago when I decided to quit. Not an every day drinker, but every time I drink it's in excess. I can see it taking a toll on my body mentally and physically. I've gained back all of the weight I fought so hard to lose. And it has affected my work output, though fortunately, not to the point that it's hurt my job security. But I know it will if I don't do something now. It hasn't affected my relationships with friends and family really, though I did get very drunk in Vegas at a friend's bachelorette party and she wasn't very happy with me. We have talked and mended fences but I know she was disappointed in me.
So, I've decided that I have to quit and get back on the wagon. I wanted to believe that I could control it, but obviously I just can't, no matter how much I want it to. I wish I could just have a beer every once in awhile and not have it get out of hand. I hate being drunk, absolutely hate it. I don't want to be drunk, it just happens.
I've never tried AA before, but maybe this time I should. I'm just scared, and group therapy hasn't always worked so well with me in the past. But it would be nice to know that I'm not alone and talk to others who have overcome this horrible disease.
I've looked up AA meetings in the area and it's all very confusing to me. What's the best meeting to go to as a newbie? It's hard enough as it just to go, I'd like to find the most comfortable option.
Anyway, thanks for listening. It's good to have a place like this to be able to talk about your problems. Wishing everyone all the best.
Committed to be sober for life,
KT