Yeah, I think we all know how you feel. It only gets worse like one guy shared with me today in a group meeting. I hadn't been to AA in several years, but today I went check one out. I have been attending Celebrate recovery 12 step meeting lately but was still going back to the alcohol. I know God wants us to be free from this and so do most caring people. Just keep going to the meetings, I remind myself now that faith without works is dead. I want to work my faith to stay sober instead of just going to a meeting occasionally like I was doing so passively. After 10+ years of alcohol abuse, I can tell you it only got worse.