I could REALLLLLLLYYYY do with out the "why do you allow this?" and "you are your own worst enemy"...
To those who are aware that divorcing an A is not as black and white and cut and dry as some seem to think, I apologize for the rant that is coming but after a night of hell with AH (who I called the police on and NOTHING happened but ME getting a lecture about calming down and not to call them unless there was a real emergency) I really, really, really don't need to judgement.
I HAVE been speaking with my attorney and SHE is the one who has said to do as little as possible to give him ammunition (as false as it may be) to throw at me in court. So, while it's easy to sit at your computer and judge, it's a little harder for me, when my AH is telling me that if I don't "show" him that I am innocent he will be sure to explain to the judge why it is that he feels I am controlling him, tracking him, trying to violate his rights etc... HE is a VERY good liar. He was believed by the judge in court when he assaulted me and got off scott free. He lied and I did not get a RO. Okay, I don't think some of you GET that just fanning the flames and seeing how far he'll take things IS NOT IN MY BEST INTEREST. I do NOT have a restraining order. I do not have "evidence" that he is lying or verbally abusing me. It's MY word vs his and my own lawyer (who works for the best firm in the state w regard to family matters) told me NOT to make things worse bc he will just have more lies to use in court. So, as I wrote, I did not agree to give him my phone initially. The more angry he became the more worried I got. I don't want to get into a he said/she said battle in court with him bc he WILL win. He is dangerous and he's an A with borderline personality disorder which means that when he feels abandoned he will do whatever he can to try and make sure he doesn't "lose" me. His accusing me of tracking him and installing things on his phone (which he can install himself and claim I did) is a serious claim. And I think it's better to have proven to him I didn't, then to get to court and have a battle about whether I did or didn't in there.
I guess if you're not in my shoes or in my house you can't understand.
And I am sure that this will bring out the "you only want to hear what you want to hear" from some on here. Save it please.
I am doing the best I can and ALL I can to stay away from him in a situation where the legal system is giving me NO support. Right now the LAST thing I need is judgement from those around here who find it far easier to cast stones than to consider that perhaps you don't know everything and that there are times where there is NO good choice.
Unlike al anon where there isn't judgement, I find that there are a few individuals around here who thrive on being on their soapboxes and I among others could do without it.
If I had my way I'd have a RO and be free of any contact. Our legal system believes drunk liars over those who are honest so I don't. And that same legal system is the one my AH is threatening to manipulate again with his accusations.
I have him recorded (after more drama later last night that resulted in the police coming, him NOT being arrested and ME being told to calm down by his buddy on the force but I won't share that bc I am sure there will be yet more judging) apologizing for the accusation so at least my proving that I didn't do what he said had one benefit. That's one lie he can't run with.