I have been wondering if I was an alcoholic since I was in my twenties and twenty years later I know the answer and yes I always was. The alcoholism has just got worse and taken me over that bit more every year that has gone by. I can relate to what you are saying totally and I met my current boyfriend on-line (although we dated years ago before I was an alchoholic shows how long ago). I would never online chat or phone chat unless I had drank alot because I felt sober I had nothing to say. We have moved on past this and I realise he enjoys my company much more when I have not drunk so much. Although, he has no idea that I have alcohol in my system most of the time. I also know that if the relationship stands a chance of surviving I need to stop drinking totally