wanttobehealthy

I am pleased to say that I've been not reacting to AH over much of the past week or so.

Today I was offered a job and accepted. I had to communicate this to AH bc it will change plans for his coaching, our D's school pick up/drop off schedules etc and I wanted to be courteous and let him know this sooner than later.

He came by the house to get things in the yard and I'd texted him that we should talk briefly about my job situation and the changes that would come now that I have one (the changes involve HIM having to do more and I should have seen the resentment coming but I was relieved about the job and didn't think of that).

So, I told him I had a job and he cut me off and asked me where, when, how much etc... So I told him. He told me that the salary was ridiculous (as in low - it's about half of what I was making but is a job with a schedule that gives me time to bring and pick my kids up from school and has a lot of flexibility which is great).

I said I needed to go inside (bc he was getting heated and I wanted to get away) and I came in, looked up a few financial things from last years taxes and went back out. He jumped all over me and told me he didn't like my tone and my accusing him of making me stressed. I told him firmly that I'd said no such thing and went on to tell him that the difference in our gross salary from last yr to this yr with this new job is very little considering we don't have daycare expenses anymore.

He told me of course we did still have them (D3 is in preschool). I started to get nervous and said "no, AH, my mother and your parents are paying for her to go to preschool-- we had this conversation all spring and you swore you'd talked to your parents about this". My mother is paying half and they are paying half. We enrolled her where she is going SOLELY bc of this fact. He got pissed and told me we never discussed any such thing and that I was making it up and had talked to my mom about it but not him. I asked him if he was insane (and was crying now bc this is our KID that his **** up is now impacting) and told him that I'd NEVER have enrolled her and psyched her up for going if I'd thought he hadn't talked to his parents. He told me that I am manipulative and that I never once mentioned the school year of preschool and that it is my fault that D3 will now be disappointed.

I have NO idea why he is being such a jerk, why instead of being relieved that I have a job he's being a jerk, why he is denying a conversation that occurred for weeks on end, why he seems concerned only with how changes to our family situation will impact HIM and why it is he prefers (or seems to) that I remain unemployed (does he think he has more control over me that way? does he think I won't really divorce him?)

I am frustrated that I even BOTHERED to talk face to face with him about any of this or think that we could have a conversation about finances and the girls.

Clearly mediation is NOT going to be an option since there's no way to talk to him without him pulling this nonsense of "I don't remember" when what is being said is something he doesn't want to hear.

I'm soooooooo annoyed.