A lot of people share the dynamic you described above. It is very hard to alter when it has been going on for a long time.
I know that with my current boyfriend he tried to "fix" one day when I was just trying to talk/vent. As it is a newer relationship I said simply that I just needed him to listen for a while and that was it, no suggestions, no outcomes, no plan and no comments. (The issue did not involve him)
Once he understood what I needed it was much easier.
I talked, he listened and we both felt good.
I would think that given some time and distance that it may be possible for you guys to establish new habits.
You will both probably need more recovery under your belts before it will be truly feasible.
It can be very hard to listen to another's problems when one has codependent tendencies and not want to rush in to make all the pain go away and make it all "better".
It is great that you were able to recognize it as a pattern.