Thanks KMangel and Wantobe for your posts.
I have been trying to focus on ME and my recovery. But, and I mentioned this to her this morning, we have a long history of 'scripts' or 'patterns' that we fall into (married 19 years - she'd probably say, "married too long"). And so, when she starts to talk about what's troubling her, upsetting her, etc, my script is to jump in and try to fix, explain, or get pissed off that she's accusing me of something. Similarly, if I talk about my feelings, her 'role' is to get controlling, get defensive, shift blame, etc. These are just really bad habits.
And I told her this morning when she comments/complained/shared about something, that I hoped that was something that someone from Alanon could help her with - because I was not able to.
I still feel bad inside, not being the one to jump up and help, but I know (in my mind, if not yet in my heart) that this is how it has to be (at least for today).
Day 22
Thank you all for listening and commenting. I welcome any other comments too!
God bless!