There's been a lot of great responses made and I'll just add this:
As I read your posts I hear about your wife a LOT. What she's doing, your opinions about how well her T and her al anon attendance are working, what you think she thinks/wants...
I spent a LOT of time (including when I first came here and continuing for a while) focussing on my AH waaaaaay more than myself. I wanted to believe, much like I think many A's want to believe, that if he just changed, THEN I could be happy.
In the end, I changed. I stopped worrying about what he did, said, thought (well, not entirely--but I don't let it control my life anymore) and I try as best I can to focus squarely on me.
I would simply ask you to consider how much you are focussing on your wife and what perhaps you could be doing to focus on you in its place?
Congrats on the 3 weeks of sobriety.