This hit home as I had a really bad weekend, if not one of the worst I've had.
I felt sad, abandoned, rejected, stupid, I was in physical and emotional pain. My therapy on Saturday was hard and exhausting. I felt very very lonely and hopeless.
Today, without conscious effort, I feel better. I feel more hopeful. I feel gratitude. I feel slightly more flexible about life. I am learning about humility. And about my own sense of entitlement.
I am learning everything, EVERYTHING, is temporary... I will have to let go of everything, of everyone, of every place and every feeling and every thought and my own life at one point.
I can't afford to be angry with life. I love life. As a codependent.. I have missed too much of it already.
I am learning my health issues are forcing me to calm down, slow down, relax. Be pampered. Be. Its ok to let life unfold. I am alive. I am complete.
I am grateful I was alone these last couple of days. I would have dragged others in my misery or drama. Today I feel more present and open to "surf" through life. Because, having a set mind of "shoulds" about life and people and places is just exhausting. It runs you down and depletes your energy.
Life is precious, my energy is precious,
Nothing externally has changed,
But today I listen classical music,
I am taking deep breaths.
I am putting some makeup and straightening my hair and using perfume.
I am looking forward to Pilates.
I am grateful for my job.
I am sending good thoughts for "every sentient being in the planet" as they say in Buddhism.
I am asking HP to keep sending light and opening my heart. I realize it has been too closed.
I am learning my knee issues, among many other things, are about distrust and not feeling safe.
My new motto these days is
"I walk safe on Earth. I can trust God."
This clarity would have never come had I been distracted with other people, TV, social events or anything else than TC999 in silence observing her feelings and thoughts.
Thanks for letting me share.