WOW! Thank you all for all your comments. Each and every comment has some bit of wisdom that is helpful. I'll try to respond.
Yes, I understand that my recovery is just that MINE. I was in a meeting y'day where I talked about how selfish I feel putting ME and my recovery ahead of everything. But, if I don't - it's all for naught. I get this and I NEED to be reminded all the time. Thanks.
We are in MC. Not sure how much it's helping . . .she is seeing the same guy for IC - which I've read and heard, not the best thing. And I've raised this with her - it didn't go over so well.
I know she has to have time to heal (and will she ever really heal??). ANd I know she cannot make me drink (it was very tempting a NUMBER of times this past weekend - and I couldn't get anyone on the phone, but I made it).
I'm getting sober for me. ANd I hope that it helps her and my family too, but ultimately and primarily it's for me. If my marriage crumbles after I've been sober, at least I know I tried to fix that part.
There have been a few things that she's 'let out' over the past couple weeks - mostly about her behavior. And it occured to me what some of you have said or alluded to - that just because the drinking is done (and I know, 3 weeks does not make it 'done') doesn't make all the problems go away. Some of these problems are surfacing in the absence of my drinking and I think this is part of the problem.
She has been going to Alanon for the past 8-10 months. I'm realy not sure if this is helping. About 5 months in she told me she contributed to a meeting - it was the first time.
She told me this morning that she wished I would have one of my 'blowout anger rants' about what I'm thinking - she said at least then I would speak. But when I do bring something, she gets defensive and attacking. I really can't win that one! She also mentioned in MC that she would 'needle him, needle him, needle him' until he would talk. This was a relief to hear that at least I was taunted into my 'explosive anger'.
I asked her point blank if she wished I would drink again, she said yes. (BUT, I am not taking this as permission - but I did find it interesting).
I guess I know that there is a long path to go and I have to take care of myself, it's just hard.
Thanks for all the feedback and for listening.
I will check out the newcomers section . . . Stuart.