Originally Posted by
dgillz 
I'm a 50 yo guy, recovering alcoholic. I would never dream of letting a woman pay for the first date, or even split it. Not in a million effing years. If we became an item that would be different. FWIW, I have only date one woman that made even half of what I made - and she made about double what I made - and I still insisted on paying. I guess I am old fashioned.
A first date is different than any subsequent dates, I agree!
If I'm asked on a "date," I'd expect him to pay, since he asked.
If the arrangement would be something other than that, I would want to know up front.
XABF drained my bank accounts enough, and I'm still working on paying off the debt that was racked up in my name. I have enough to afford what I want to do, certainly... By the same token, I don't want to be viewed as a source of money for anything by anybody. I don't want to repeat that cycle again.
That said, I have no objecting to splitting bills or even paying completely myself, as long as it's set up
in advance and I have a choice to say no to paying and/or no to attending. I didn't have that with XABF, not without all the emotional abuse and manipulation that he'd put into play to get what he wants.
I go out to dinner with a friend of mine on a semi-regular basis, and we typically split the bill, at least within ~$5. She paid once (we went for a long drive together in my car to run an errand for her, so it was in lieu of gas money), and I paid once (I wanted to try the tasting menu somewhere, and knew it would be more fun with a friend - only fair that I pay since it was well outside our usual budget, and I was picking what we'd order).
In the beginning with XABF we would take turns paying for things, but as time went on he'd schedule more than we could afford, "inform" me of what I was to pay for, and start a very emotionally traumatizing abusive tirade whenever I tried to put on the brakes for the spending.
This is
not something I intend to repeat.