Notsosmart .....
Thanks for your reply. I have had the panic attacks & I still have the dreams. I'm sure this will sound strange, but in my situation I "almost" wish he would go crazy off the wagon. That would be easy. I know what that answer is. Leave. It's over. No regrets. Sometimes when I read posts where the person is going through this absurd craziness, they aren't married, have no kids & cheating partners. I am both confused & envious. That seems like it would be straightforward. But I didn't say easy, I know none of our situations are easy. But I could do that, say goodbye.
I have an autoimmune disease, that is fairly manageable, but for the years I didn't have a diagnosis & was always sick & not knowing why. There were times I thought I would be fine if they would tell me I had cancer. I could make a plan, take the right meds, & know what I was fighting. This reminds me a lot of my current situation.
However, right now I am not in that situation. I share kids, business, etc...And I have to be in or out.
I have read your posts, I wish I had good advice. But we both know that we have to separate our hearts & brain in these situations. And it is so hard!
Thanks & good luck