Thanks everyone who responded. It helps so much to talk to ppl who don't respond to me as if I am crazy.
The big difference in me the last 9 months, is that I know what it looks & sounds like. And even though its still hard, I know my truth.
What I hoped would happen, was when the slip in early recovery came, we would discuss it, follow the plan & get back on track. Probably unrealistic, but we had discussed it & discussed it with our counselors. He has been working a program. But that hasn't happened. That's the hardest part for me.
He is still lying even after several days to come clean at his own pace &
time.
Lying to me is more the crime. Kind of like Martha Stewart, she went to jail for the lie, not what she did.
Last night when he came home I was in the bedroom, playing my ipod. When he asked what was wrong, I told him I wasn't in the mood to be social. He then told me he would take a drug test. I replied I didn't need one, I know what I know. That's all I need. He didn't yell, pout, etc... He just left the room & went to be with our company. (fyi they have no idea what is going on & probably think I'm nuts! oh well)
When he came to bed, I was still listening to music. He didn't turn on the tv, just started reading off his Ipad. I thought ok, at least he's working on his steps, etc....Then he turns and tries to talk to me about something going on in the paper. Really!!! I just grunted, went to sleep.
Again, I so appreciate the support. Just feel in such a limbo.