BarelyHere,
i'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. the title of the thread sums it all up. all this wasted time and for what, back at square one.
your post reminds me so much of my days when i was still at home. constantly questioning my intuition (i still do it even if i'm no longer around my AH). i would constantly be looking for signs if he was supposed to be "not using" at the time.
and it never made any sense to me why would you go through all this trouble of quitting and maintaining for so long and then just throwing it all away for that 1 high. but, i guess it is not supposed to make sense to me, because i'm not an addict. it is nevertheless very hard and infuriating.
it makes it harder, b/c we want to believe them sooo bad. we want to believe that this one time they will quit for good. it will be the end of our worry and our wonderful life will begin again. the truth is it may or might not ever happen. it hasn't for me yet. i certainly wish you better luck.
i wanted to send you my encouragement and support. either way, you cannot control what he does, but you can focus on yourself and your improvement. i know, easier said than done.
my hugs and prayers are w/ you.
