Welcome ladymc - Glad you're here. It's pretty hard not to be affected when someone we love has an addiction - and you've had 13 years of practice! While you can't change your AGF, you can have your own "recovery" from her disease.
We have a great section for family and friends of alcoholics. I know you'll find lots of support there:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information 