I know I deserve an honest, trustworthy, respectful husband...at times I had that, but lately it was like we were living in the same house and just acting as roommates.
I was so young when we met and I married him at 23, I thought we'd be the perfect storybook marriage because I felt I WAS doing everything right-- I married my highschool sweetheart, moved into a nice house in the suburbs, had great vacations, had two healthy kids, drove nice cars, had a job as a teacher, and yet the dream was shattered.
I have always forgiven him when he made mistakes. I know I wasn't perfect either, but I just feel like his constant mistakes or empty promises just make me feel like a failure for allowing myself to buy into it all. I do believe he loves me and this is the first time he has ever stopped drinking since i have known him---and going to AA meetings, so of course, his head is somewhat cleared to the crazy things he was saying and doing but at this point I have to trust ACTIONS on his part.
My parents are hurting too. Just yesterday my mom was crying and saying 'He destroyed our wonderful family..." and about how much she loved him and always treated him like a son...and she just doesn't want me to continue on with someone who has made so many promises and never kept them.
I know it is HIM who let ME down but why do I feel like it is ME who let everyone else around me down?? I feel like I am letting my children down, my parents, my family...his family...