Thanks to all of you for giving me your honest opinions. And it amazes me how comfortable I am sharing my feelings with all of you - I guess it's because since I joined this site, you have all been like a family to me. A family who lets you pour your heart out and actually listens to what you are saying without judging you, cares about your well-being, supports you through the tough times, but will still "tell you like it is".
Knowing that there is always someone here to share my feelings with has given me a great deal of strength over the past few weeks, and again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Before I found this site, I was a complete, hopeless mess. But you all have given me the support and stability that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and to do something about my own problems.
Every day I get a bit stronger, a bit wiser, and slowly but surely I am changing. I've just been so afraid of change - I've done so much changing for so many people, whether it be for my parents, friends, or significant other. I have changed to help them, or please them, or make them proud, and it's all been so emotionally exhausting. But I've now accepted that change is good sometimes, and this time I am going to change for MYSELF, for my own health and well-being.
I am going to continue working the 12 steps and doing things that make ME happy. And when my journey has come to an end, I may be a completely different person. But if that new person is happy with her choices, happy with herself, then it will all have been worth it. So from now on, I am focusing on ME and the changes I need to make to free myself from the need to solve everyone else's problems, the need to put everyone else's lives before my own.