I agree with Optival. When I was drinking, there was episode after episode of drama. Literally one thing after another. My life was chaotic. I never knew whether it was me or others that caused it..until I stopped. When I stopped, the drama stopped, too.
Not all of it was caused by me, that's true. But how I dealt with things was definitely MY problem, and one small thing could spiral into a huge chain of events - and I could never understand how everything got out of control so quickly.
I urge you, Bayliss, to reach out and get more help. Everyone around you is concerned. They are scared. You are, too.
Thanks for being honest on here with us. We do understand.